Unfortunately parental coaching is not uncommon in many custody cases in Oklahoma. It is a difficult part of divorce and custody proceedings when one parent is not doing what is in the best interest of their child and using their child against the other parent. One of the hardest parts of a divorce attorney’s job is dealing with either their client or the opposing parent coaching their child.
Not only is it difficult for divorce attorneys and parents, but the negative effects of parental coaching of your child can last for years. One of those effects is the “alienation” of one parent from their child.
No parent wants to place their child in the middle when they suspect parental coaching — asking your child about the other parent places your child in an uncomfortable and inappropriate position. There are ways of handling parental coaching without putting your child in the middle and involving them in issues that are better kept between you, your child custody attorney, and the other parties involved.
Parental Alienation
The biggest impact of parental coaching is alienation. The simplest explanation of the definition of alienation is separating one thing from another. In the case of parental alienation, one parent attempts to separate the child from the other parent through subtle words and actions. You may not even be aware it is happening until the alienation has been happening for a while.
There are five ways parents practice alienation. The methods of alienation outlined below build on the next, becoming more and more harmful.
- Disparagement: This comes in the form of the alienating parent making negative comments about the other parent; allowing others to make negative comments about the other parent; and involving the child in the custody proceedings, often distorting how the case is progressing.
- Undermining Authority: Instead of both parents being on the same side when it comes to parenting, the alienating parent makes the other parent’s authority unimportant and that it can be ignored. The results of this type of alienation create the belief that there is a “right” way to parent and a “wrong” way.
- Parentification: This happens when the alienating parent places their child in the place of a parent, often allowing the child to make decisions that they are not ready for or mature enough to make.
- Parental Substitution: The alienating parent will attempt to replace the other parent with a new partner, family friend, or grandparent. You will often see this when a parent requires a child to call a new boyfriend “dad.”
- False Allegations: This is very common when it comes to parental coaching. Alienating parents will create false accusations to get more custody time and to keep the other parent away from the child.
Being able to spot parental alienation can be difficult at first, it is important you maintain open, honest and appropriate conversations with your child. Working with a child custody attorney helps identify the signs much sooner and address the effects before harm comes to your child.
Involving Mental Health Professionals When There Is Parental Coaching
One of the first steps you should take if you suspect parental coaching is contacting a mental health professional that specializes in children and custody cases. Make sure if parental coaching is identified by the professional, and that they are qualified to testify or submit opinions to the judge in your case.
Your child custody attorney will know the best mental health professionals to work with when parental coaching is suspected.
Talking To The Judge About Parental Coaching
When deciding to discuss your concern about parental coaching with the judge, your child custody attorney can help you prepare and make sure you are presenting yourself in a neutral capacity. It is not uncommon for parents to complain about the other parent during custody cases, it is up to the family court judge to determine if there is actual evidence that one parent is committing a wrong or not.
The more intense, unreasonable or desperate you appear, the less likely the judge will see your point of view, and instead will see an emotional and biased parent. Although it is difficult to keep emotions under control when it comes to custody of your children, this is important when interacting with the judge hearing your case.
Your child custody attorney will help you file a custody modification if a custody order is already in place and submit a qualified opinion about the parental coaching taking place. Courts take parental coaching very seriously due to the devastating effects on children it has for years to come and negative effects on future relationships.
If the judge finds parental coaching taking place, he can order several different options. The child and the parent that is coaching could be ordered into counseling, custody time could be removed, or individual counseling can be requested for the coaching parent, just to name a few options.
Free Consultation with a Tulsa Child Support Attorney
Suspecting that your child is the victim of parental coaching can be frustrating and scary because of the harmful effects parental coaching has on children. Speaking with a family law attorney can help to figure out your options and how to move forward in this situation. Addressing parental coaching early can help you get back to a better relationship with your child sooner.
Hiring a knowledgeable and compassionate family law attorney will ensure the process is expertly conducted and your interests are well represented.
Contact an experienced Tulsa family law attorney when you need to go through the Oklahoma relocation process.
For a free confidential consultation, call now: 918-924-5526.
