As many people experience throughout the United States, separation and divorce is difficult, stressful, and rarely a pleasant experience. This situation becomes so much more emotional when children are involved in the separation and divorce and visitation in Oklahoma must be worked out.
Even though a divorce is not a positive experience, it is very important to not let emotions affect child custody and visitation. Being strong and supportive of your children while maintaining consistency is essential in ensuring your children are not harmed in the process.
There are many ways you and your spouse can handle custody time positively for the benefit of your children. Knowing the ways and actually practicing them are very different. It is going to be hard to remain calm and collected, especially during the first few custody transfers. Remembering that you are doing this for your children and what’s best for them — as well as the following tips — should help maintain a healthy visitation practice.
Create Common Goals
First, it is important for you and the other parent to discuss goals of visitation. These goals should be similar to the following:
- Encouragement of visitation
- Encouragement of child development
- Reassurance to your child that loving both parents is OK
- Maintain respect between you and the other parent
- Practice consistency with discipline and values
Having common goals helps your child feel secure and prevents confusion when transitioning between each parent’s home. Consistency is one of the most important elements to a child’s feeling of love, attachment and security. Above all, consistency should be stressed the most.
Discussing these topics prior to visitation, or even after visitation has begun, ensures both parents are on the same page and want what’s best for their children.
Make Visitation a Positive Experience
It is not your child’s fault that you and the other parent separated, so don’t force them to experience the consequences of your relationship coming to an end. You may still have feelings of anger or resentment toward your previous partner, but don’t let that reflect in your parenting. While the other parent may not be a great partner, it is possible that they are a great parent. Try and keep this in mind when handling visitation.
Here are some great ways that you and the other parent can work together and foster a positive visitation experience:
- Remember to remain flexible — rigidity causes disagreements and unreasonable expectations.
- Maintain respect always, even when your children are not present.
- Make sure your child feels safe in your home and the other parent’s home. There should be a space that is “just theirs” in each home so the child has a place that is comforting and all their own.
- Create and stick to dependable routines. Your child should be able to count on you and the other parent to pick up at the same time each week, have both parents work together to bring their child to sports practices, or be able to call you and the other parent at regular times.
- Maintain open communication. For example, if you bring your child to the doctor and they have strep throat, make sure to let the other parent know, especially if your child was put on antibiotics. Similarly, if your child’s teacher mentions that your child is struggling in a particular subject, make sure you let the other parent know so they can be involved in the solution.
- Do not triangulate with your child. Don’t use your child as a messenger between you and the other parent. That’s what e-mail, mail, or attorneys are for.
- Aim to make every drop-off and pick-up smooth and without incident.
- Encourage visitation with other family members. This is an issue that commonly gets overlooked. Family members did not go through the divorce or separation, your child probably wants to stay in contact still. This, too, creates a sense of consistency.
- Both you and the other parent should help your child meet new friends in the neighborhood if one or both of you moved after the separation.
- Keep each other updated on contact information, trip information and school information.
- Don’t purposely schedule activities to interfere with the other parent’s visitation time.
- Never withhold visitation or phone calls to the other parent. This can be extremely damaging to your child.
- Do not attempt to “buy” your child’s love through toys, vacations or other things of value.
All of this should encourage you and your spouse to make visitation a way of life, to normalize visitation. Both of you should support the relationship between your child and the other parent as much as possible. This relationship is extremely important to your child’s sense of self and feelings of attachment.
Because the relationship between your child and both parents is so important, do not ever use visitation as a reward or punishment. It should be something your child can rely on. Normalizing visitation often helps children cope and adjust to a break-up. Do not impact your child negatively in the process.
Free Consultation with a Tulsa Child Custody Attorney
Consulting with an attorney as soon as possible in this situation is very important in order to make sure your visitation schedule is in your child’s best interest. An attorney can help you discuss the current visitation and future visitation plans, and advise you on what to expect at the child custody hearing.
Hiring a knowledgeable and compassionate family law attorney will ensure the process is expertly conducted and your interests are well represented.
Contact an experienced Tulsa family law attorney when you need to go through the Oklahoma divorce process.
For a free confidential consultation, call now: 918-924-5526.
