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Should I Meet With My Spouse to Talk About Our Tulsa County Divorce?

Tulsa County divorceA Tulsa County divorce is one of the most difficult situations that partnered adults living in Oklahoma face. It is a time of great upheaval as we look for new living situations, make decisions about our children and their care and needs, and make other decisions that will have long-lasting implications on our financial futures.

Emotions run high as we deal with anger, betrayal, fear, and grief, among other emotions. The question of whether to speak with your spouse about your Oklahoma divorce during the proceedings is probably unique to each married couple. Private conversations between divorcing spouses can be difficult.

Pros to Talking About a Tulsa County Divorce

Certainly, if you can do so safely, and keep emotions under control, there are some real advantages to talking about your Tulsa County divorce. So many issues need to be resolved at this time: child custody, visitation, support, alimony, separation of assets, paying off creditors, and finding new living arrangements.

If all of these decisions are made using attorney time, a Tulsa County divorce can become quite expensive.  The less contentious the issues are, the less expensive the divorce as a rule.  Agreements made early can be taken to your Tulsa divorce attorney to be finalized.

However, if emotions are out of control, or if there are safety issues such as those involved in abusive relationships, meeting privately may not be a good idea. In those cases, it is best to let your attorney handle the negotiations.

Before meeting in person, you might try a tiered approach to meeting. Perhaps try emails first. Emails take some of the “heat” out of the discussion. Because of that, they might be useful to test the waters to see if you and your spouse can work together collaboratively.

But be careful what you write in an email; they can be used as evidence against you in court. So never act in an abusive manner in an email communication.

You might also try telephone calls. These have the advantage that if things start to heat up during the conversation, it is easy to end the conversation. All you need do is hang up.

It is always best to keep these conversations business-like. Be able to put the brakes on your own emotions and set boundaries around your spouse’s emotional outbursts if they occur.

If you decide to meet in person to discuss your Tulsa County divorce, meet in a neutral location. Try a coffee shop with lots of people present. The presence of others in a neutral environment tends to help calm the situation.

Keep the tone of the conversation business-like and again, be careful to put the brakes on your own emotions.

If you are able to come to an agreement with your spouse on an issue, you can put it in writing and both sign it, make a copy, and both of you can take that agreement to your attorneys. It will save time and money.

Caution: Conversations As Evidence

Sometimes, spouses will record the conversations between them whether they are on the phone or in person. Not every Tulsa County divorce judge will hear a recorded conversation, but some will, especially if to prove state of mind or intent.

So be careful what you say and how you say it when you have any sort of conversation with your spouse during an Oklahoma divorce proceeding. If you have questions about conversing with your spouse, talk to your Tulsa divorce attorney about it.

Free Consultation: Tulsa Divorce Attorney

An Oklahoma divorce can be a complicated matter. Hiring an experienced Tulsa divorce attorney is critical to make sure that the court is made aware of all the facts in your case.

Call the Divorce Law Office of Tulsa today at 918-924-5526 to make an appointment for your free consultation.